Probably the toughest part of leadership (and followership) is giving and receiving criticism. Almost everyone avoids these situations. Leaders don’t particularly like sitting down with someone and telling them they are not performing up to standards. It is uncomfortable. The person receiving the criticism, likewise, is not happy to be there. 

But as you know, delivering feedback to people about their performance is one of the most important aspects of leadership. People need the opportunity to grow and to change. This blog explores some of the interesting aspects of this process. An empowering leader uses these conversations as a means of developing empowered people. 

I had a recent experience with a non-profit board of directors and an upper manager. A charge was made from an employee that the manager was creating a “toxic work environment”. Since the manager reported to the Board, it became the Board’s job to investigate the complicated situation that included differences of perception, wording choice, and how criticism was given and received. 

The complaint was from a person who was not used to receiving harsh criticism delivered in what they saw as a very angry tone. Was the complaint justified? The Board tried to find out how other people in the organization heard the manager’s feedback to find out if they thought it was “toxic”. One other program manager said that the manager was blunt, but not as blunt and direct as his father. So that person responded to the content of the feedback, not the manner in which it was delivered. 

The situation highlighted the complicated nature of giving feedback. Delivery and reception of feedback depend greatly on the communication styles of the giver and the receiver. At one end of the feedback/giver continuum is the person that is overly harsh, blunt, and direct. At the other end of the continuum, managers can be the opposite – sensitive and empathetic. They could also be somewhere between the two extremes. 

For the person receiving the feedback, the continuum can range from “say whatever you want, I can take it” to “I am going to cry”. Most people are nervous about or even defensive at the idea of receiving feedback, particularly if it might be negative. Reactions can have quite a range!

But for a moment, let’s go back to our example. The complainant was defensive and took the feedback as hostility. The sender later said that hostility was not the intended meaning and the complainant was “reading something into it that was not there”. As you know, legal rulings have generally sided with the complainant, not the sender. It is the interpretation of the receiver that holds sway as opposed to the intent of the sender. 

All this suggests that a leader, especially an empowering leader, needs to pay close attention to the feedback process. Feedback is an incredibly powerful tool. If offered properly, it has the ability to grow and develop the people of your organization, improve the levels of trust and communication, and strengthen bonds between employees and managers. But unfortunately, feedback is often ignored or omitted entirely in an effort to avoid discomfort. How can it be done well? 

1.Think about the relationship you have with the person. Do you want this feedback to improve the relationship and improve the person’s job performance? If the answers to both questions aren’t a clear yes, then wait for a while before delivering the feedback. Giving feedback without those two intentions will probably not succeed.

2. Check your emotions. In our example above, the person giving the feedback was angry at what they perceived as insubordination. The person went into the feedback session with the intent to punish. Again, think about your emotions and your motives.

3. If you do have a problem with the other person’s behavior, first try to understand it. There may be reasons for the behavior that are not obvious to you. 

4. Have you identified what you want to see change? If so, figure out how to communicate that in specific terms. "You seemed disengaged in our meeting today" is vague. Instead, identify the (objective) facts: "You seemed disengaged in our meeting today because you didn't participate in the conversation like you normally do." Now, the employee knows what behavior you're giving feedback about and how to adjust.

5. Do it often. Positive feedback is a strong tool for promoting employee engagement and an essential part of performance management. Don’t always wait for a scheduled review session. When I was a university department chair, one new faculty member was struggling. His teaching was poor; he came in late — he even fell asleep at his desk. But when I put him on notice, he said something I've always remembered: "I know I haven’t been doing well, but there was a time where I really tried — and you never seemed to notice." As an old management book said: “Catch them doing something right.”

6. You should only give feedback on what you see and hear. If one person raises an issue they're having with a colleague, don't jump to give feedback to the colleague. Instead, observe them more closely to see for yourself. Then provide feedback if it is called for. 

7. If possible, cast the feedback in terms of a mutual goal. You could say: "I know you want to be promoted. I would like to provide some feedback that may help you achieve your goal." rather than, "Here is my feedback." 

8. Giving feedback doesn't end with the delivery. Rather than saying, "Here's what you did, and here's what I want you do", talk about the different options for moving forward, and set clear action steps. If you're co-constructing goals this way, you've got a mutual buy-in from the person you're giving feedback to. When the person has made some of those changes, recognize and celebrate them.

9. Feedback can follow a three step process. A) Affirm to the person what they are doing well. B) Discuss the issue that you have noted. C). Talk about follow up and what both of you will do to check on progress. 

Most people report wanting more feedback. As a leader, if you can ensure your feedback is consistent and follows these guidelines, you'll be more likely to have productive conversations with employees about their performance — and start seeing real improvements. 

In fact, after you've been through this feedback process once or twice with an employee, they might start asking for your feedback before you even offer it! An empowering leader empowers others through good feedback on their performance. People cannot grow without knowing where to grow and how to grow. It is the job of an empowering leader to provide that information and support.