Big or Small on the Inside?

Big or Small on the Inside?

By Steve Backlund

One of the hidden tests in life and leadership is what happens inside us when someone else succeeds, and we are not.

Most of us enjoy our own victories. The greater challenge is often learning how to respond when someone else receives the promotion, favor, influence, opportunity, or breakthrough we were hoping for ourselves.

James 3:13-18 describes two kinds of wisdom. One is characterized by bitter envy and selfish ambition. The other is wisdom from above—pure, peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy, and full of good fruit.

One way to describe the difference between these two wisdoms is this: earthly wisdom reveals smallness on the inside, while heavenly wisdom reveals greatness on the inside. When another person's good fortune bothers us, the success did not create the issue. It revealed something that was already there.

• Abel's accepted offering did not create Cain's envy and murderous heart. It exposed it (Genesis 4). 

• Joseph's favor did not create jealousy in his brothers. It revealed what was already in their hearts (Genesis 37). 

• The celebration of the prodigal son did not create resentment in the elder brother. It brought hidden attitudes and inner smallness to the surface (Luke 15). 

• David's success did not create Saul's insecurity. It exposed it (1 Samuel 18). 

• Jesus' growing influence did not create jealousy in the Pharisees. It revealed it (John 11:45-57).

  
  

These individuals all faced the same life and leadership test: Could they celebrate what God was doing in someone else without feeling diminished and threatened themselves?

Scripture also gives us examples of people who passed that test.

• Jonathan, King Saul's son, was next in line to be king, but he knew David was chosen by God and celebrated God's call on David's life (1 Samuel 23:15-18). 

• John the Baptist watched crowds leave his ministry to follow Jesus, yet declared, "He must increase, but I must decrease" (John 3:30). 

• Barnabas invested in Paul, encouraged Paul, and opened doors for Paul. When Paul's influence eventually surpassed his own, Barnabas continued championing others throughout the book of Acts. 

• Moses was not threatened when others began prophesying in the camp apart from what was directly happening under his leadership. Instead, he said, "I wish that all the Lord's people were prophets" (Numbers 11:29).

  
  

These leaders demonstrate wisdom from above. They were secure enough to celebrate another person's success because their identity was rooted in God's purpose rather than in comparison.

As influencers, one of the most revealing questions we can ask ourselves is: "What happens inside us when someone else succeeds in the very areas where we are desiring success?" Do we become inspired or irritated? Do we celebrate or compare? Do we become hopeful or critical? These situations help us recognize whether there is smallness or bigness on the inside of us.

Who among us has not felt the temptation to allow someone else's blessing to stir up envy, disappointment, or unhealthy comparison? I sure have. I used to passively allow those feelings to reinforce negative strongholds in me, but through the years I have increasingly seen these moments as opportunities to overcome smallness of thinking in my life.

Smallness Repels What We Say We Want

One of the costly results of inner smallness is that it often repels the very people we say we want around us. If we are petty, insecure, jealous, controlling, or threatened by the strength of others, then people with big dreams, big character, big skill sets, and big core values will usually not feel safe or inspired to partner deeply with us.

Strong people are not primarily looking for perfect leaders, but they are looking for secure leaders. They are drawn to environments where their gifts will be celebrated, their voice will be valued, their growth will be encouraged, and their success will not be treated as a threat.

If our leadership culture subtly communicates, "Do not outshine me," then high-capacity people will eventually shrink, disconnect, or move on. They may still respect us, but they probably will not bring their best dreams and strongest contributions into that environment.

This is why becoming bigger on the inside is not just about personal freedom. It is about leadership capacity. The size of our inner world often determines the size of the people we can attract, empower, and keep.

Jonathan, Barnabas, John the Baptist, and Moses were able to bless people who could have threatened them because they were secure in God’s purpose for their own lives. Their greatness of heart created room for other great people to rise.

When we grow bigger on the inside, we become safer for bigger people.

Growing Bigger on the Inside

The good news is that smallness is not a permanent condition. God continually invites us into a larger heart and a healthier perspective. Here are a few ways we grow in this:

• Celebrate intentionally. When someone receives a blessing, promotion, or breakthrough, we can choose celebration before comparison. Celebration is one of the most powerful antidotes to bitter envy.

• Thank God for what He is doing in others. Gratitude enlarges the heart. It shifts our focus from what we lack to what God is accomplishing.

• Refuse comparison. Comparison makes us experts on what we do not have. Wisdom from above helps us appreciate our own assignment while honoring the assignments of others.

• Speak blessing. When we feel tempted to criticize or diminish someone, we can intentionally speak encouragement, honor, and life. We can do this verbally and in our thinking. Blessing changes the atmosphere of our hearts.

• Remember that God's resources are not limited. Another person's favor does not reduce our favor. Another person's opportunity does not cancel our destiny. The Kingdom does not operate from scarcity.

• Ask what we can learn. Earthly wisdom often asks, "What's wrong with them?" Wisdom from above asks, "What can we learn from them?"

  
  

Jonathan, Barnabas, John the Baptist, and Moses all understood something that Saul, Cain, Joseph's brothers, the elder brother, and the Pharisees struggled to understand: another person's success does not make us smaller.

One of the clearest signs that we are growing in wisdom from above is that we genuinely rejoice when others are blessed. When we can celebrate another person's promotion, breakthrough, influence, or favor without feeling diminished, we are becoming bigger on the inside.

As this happens, we become the kind of people that strong people trust. We create environments where bigger dreams, bigger character, bigger skill sets, and bigger core values can flourish. We attract and empower people who do not need to shrink in order to belong.

And that is what wisdom from above looks like.

Declarations

1. I celebrate the promotion, favor, influence, and breakthroughs of others with a sincere heart.

2. I am increasingly overcoming small thinking that is rooted in envy and selfish ambition. 

3. I refuse comparison and embrace the unique assignment God has given me.

4. I trust that God's resources are unlimited, and another person's opportunity does not reduce mine.

5. I am a secure, generous, and hopeful influencer who champions others.