We all face “sticky” relational situations in our lives. It could be with our spouse, our kids, a boss, a pastor, an employee, a co-worker, a neighbor, etc. In this blog, I will give you six keys that will help increase the likelihood of navigating these relationships well and to have positive influence in them. 

God is leading all of us to increase the type of person and situation we can have influence with. I used to only like (and only believe I could successfully influence) the people who were like me, ha ha. My relationship with my wife, Wendy, helped me overcome this limiting belief. We are very similar in our core values but have very different personalities. This has led to some sticky situations in trying to influence each other, but has also been the training ground in the following six keys to increase our influence in situations like these:

1. Attach faith to the relationship - Believe that you are meant to be in this relationship and that God has assigned you to this person or people. If we are in doubt and double-mindedness about our relationships, there will be an inability to work through difficulties. Matthew 4:4 says, “Man will not live by bread alone but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.” I can put up with a lot of “junk” in my life if I have a word from the Lord. In our relationships, there should be some level of word from the Lord that this is a relationship you’re meant to have in this season. That word will help us attach faith and be fully convinced to implement the next keys.
2. Increase our hope level - It’s hard to influence anyone or anything we don’t have hope for. One of my favorite stories in the Bible is Ezekiel 37 where God shows Ezekiel the valley of dry bones. God is not afraid of us seeing how dry things are in our relationships, but we can’t get our beliefs out of its dryness. God asked him a question, “Can these bones live?” (Do you believe there is a good future? Do you believe there is hope?) Then the Lord said, “Prophesy. Tell them they are going to live”. We cannot effectively prophesy unless we have hope. When hope is lacking, It is important to get into our prayer closets and ask this question: “What do I need to have hope for this relationship?” Increasing hope is the evidence that we’re renewing our mind with truth. Decreasing hope means we’re renewing our mind with lies. If we’re going to influence an individual or group of people, our hope level must increase. Our hope level determines our influence level and he who has the most hope has the most influence. Our hopelessness about a problem is a bigger problem than the problem!
3. Clarify specific action steps - Once we have decided we’re called to a relationship and have increased our hope level for a relationship, the next question I ask is this: Lord, what specific wisdom do you have for me? There are no “cookie cutter” answers for every relationship. We need to be led by the Holy Spirit, not just principles. What does a forward step look like in this specific relationship? For some, it might just be prayer. For others, it could be brave communication or sharing our heart for the relationship. Holy Spirit will guide us in wisdom on what to do.
4. Win them first to yourself, and then to your words - 1 Peter 3 talks about wives in a “sticky situation” with unbelieving husbands. It says, “First, win them to yourselves and then to your words.” If we want to increase our influence, we should live in such a way that people will want to listen to what we say. Be a contagious believer! Be trustworthy, keep your word, have sincere motives, and really seek first to understand before seeking to be understood. This is how you win people over, by proving it’s not just about your own agenda and desires.
5. Love and like well - This ties well into the last point. People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. In 1 Corinthians 13 (the love chapter), we learn that if we are doing great things, but treating people poorly, it equals a big zero. We are to prioritize love and compassion like Jesus. One of my favorite lies to laugh at is this: “God loves me but he doesn’t like me.” Haha. Leaders (influencers) can’t just love people, they need to like people, too. Liking people is a whole different ball game. As we stir that up and implement Hebrews 10:24 (“Let us consider one another to stir up love and good works…”), a key question is to ask, “What do I like about this person?” This question will cause us to see what is good in them and increase the likelihood of connecting at a heart level. 
6. Intercede with thanksgiving - Philippians 4:6-7 says, “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” We are to make sure our prayer in this “sticky situation” includes thanksgiving. This will bring us from a victim mindset of complaining to a place of faith and confidence. “Thank you, Lord, for what you are doing. Thank you that I’ll know just what to do. Thank you for increased influence! Thank you for healing in this relationship!”

Whatever situation we are in, God has given us grace to face it. I believe this is a “now” word for those reading today. Our current relational situations are our training ground for how to do relationships better and at a higher level. You have grace to attach faith in your relationships and you are a mighty influencer.