Tell Them and Yourself This

Tell Them and Yourself This

By Steve Backlund

The "this" in "tell them and yourself this" revolves around the fact that we are all unique. While the word “unique” can be overused, its true meaning—being the only existing one of its type—holds profound significance. You and the people around you are the only existing ones of our kind. There is truly no one like each of us. 

Hebrews 10:24 calls us to "consider one another to stir up love and good works". This is the bedrock of what I want to share today. In considering one another, the primary question we ask is, "What do I like about them? What makes them unique?” As we answer this question, we will have the opportunity to “stir them up” into greater love and influence. We do this by telling them what makes them special. 

By asking, "What do I like about them?", it allows us to partner with what God is already doing in their lives and with their special gifts. Even when “considering” people who have “rough edges” that create challenging relational dynamics, we still seek to see what is good in them. As we do, it increases the likelihood we can be a positive influence for them. Remember, people's negative qualities are usually an immature aspect of a positive quality in their life. (For instance, someone who is frequently late is probably a spontaneous and responsive person who is quick to help people in need.)

Hebrews 10:25 adds to the truth of verse 24 by reminding us that one of the main reasons we fellowship as believers is to tell people what makes them special and unique. We are to be encouragers. "Not forsaking the assembling of yourselves together as is a manner of some, but encouraging one another and all the more as we see the day approaching" (vs 25). Every year, we are to increase encouragement in our corporate gatherings (telling people what we see as we consider them).

What then makes each of us unique? How do we do things differently? Scripture provides a foundation for understanding our individuality. Romans 12:4-5 says, "For as we have many members in one body, but all the members do not have the same function. So we, being many, are one body in Christ, and individually members of one another". Similarly, 1 Corinthians 12 illustrates that we are different parts of the body.

Beyond our spiritual gifts, we are unique in our experiences. Romans 8:28 reminds us that "God is able to make all things work together for good for those who love God and are the called according to his purpose.” Our uniqueness stems from our background—"the good, the bad, the ugly, that's all put together that creates us". We are unlike any other person. 

Furthermore, much of our uniqueness comes from what we are overcoming and have overcome. James 1:12 speaks to this: "Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him." We have a unique influence in the areas we are overcoming. Whether it's a difficult upbringing, a victim mindset, past abuse, or religious perfectionism, our victories specifically shape who we are. 

Inspired by the book 10x is Easier Than 2x by Benjamin Hardy and Dan Sullivan, I realized that significant growth comes from understanding what you do uniquely. It's about finding our "sweet spot", the 20% that yields 80% of the results. This was a key consideration in my development of the Backlund Leadership Academy. We worked hard to discern what makes this different from any other leadership training. 

The book Good to Great highlights that "good is the enemy of great". When we ask, "What can I be the greatest in the world at?", we begin to tap into our full potential. It may seem to be an unrealistic question for us to ask, but it will help us start focusing more on who we are, rather than on who we believe we are not. This is a major step towards transformation. (Note: this isn't about pride but about using our gifts to serve others and to impact the world to our fullest potential.)

Before I conclude, let's revisit the power of affirming others. "Tell them and yourself this. Tell them this is what makes you unique. This is what I see in you." Take time in team meetings to do this. It will energize your organization. It will stir up love and good works in what you do. Let’s say things like, “I so appreciate:

• how you listen to others.”

• the way you use expressive body language when you speak.”

• your generosity in giving thanks.”

• your ability to problem solve so quickly.”

• how you make people feel seen and valued.”

• your boldness and how you overcome the fear of people’s opinions.”

As we speak these kinds of things, we will release a culture of empowerment around us and live out Bill Johnson’s quote, “My goal is not to build a big church but to build big people.”

And, finally, keep reminding yourself of your own uniqueness. It will help you overcome negative comparison and lead you more fully to your life purposes.