Was It An Identity Crisis?

Was It An Identity Crisis?

By Steve Backlund

I was a senior pastor for seventeen years. In essence, I was the number one person in the two churches I pastored during that time. Then in 2008, I came on staff at Bethel Church in Redding, California, which is a ministry with many high level leaders on their team. When I first got there,I rather jokingly said to myself,  “I’m not sure where I land on the leadership hierarchy, but I know it’s not number one. Actually, I’m not sure if where I land on this team is even in the single digits.” To say the least, it was a big change for me. 

Up to that point, I would say, “Bless God, my identity is not in what I do (being a pastor), but it is in Jesus.” Well, I discovered in my move to Bethel Church that this was not exactly true. I found myself having feelings of: 

• Insecurity

• Envy

• Confusion

• Unsettledness

• Thinking I was being underappreciated

Was I having an identity crisis? Well, I am not sure about that, but it was an interesting season of increased mind-games. 

What is an identity crisis?  An identity crisis is a period of confusion and doubt surrounding one’s sense of self. It often occurs during times of transition or when someone is forced to confront aspects of their life that conflict with the roles they have taken on. It can impact personal/private life and professional/workplace roles, leading to difficult decisions about identities one wishes to embrace. - University of Phoenix Website

Jesus was tempted to have an identity crisis when he was in the wilderness. The devil tempted him to doubt who He really was. “And the tempter came and said to him, ‘If you are the Son of God, command these stones to become loaves of bread’” (Matthew 4:3). 

We all face the same temptations, including identity ones. “No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able . . . “ (1 Corinthians 10:13). The greatest temptations we face are to believe lies. The devil is a liar and the father of all lies (John 8:44). The source of an identity crisis is to partner with the lies that try to come against us. 

Here is what I learned from my identity struggles:

• Everyone has them at some level

• They are especially prevalent in times of transition and in new environments

• The inner struggles of insecurity and confusion are an exciting opportunity, not a statement about us

It is this third bullet point that I want to emphasize here - the exciting opportunity when identity struggles and mind games pop up. These feelings emerge from situations trying to speak to us, a message to us rooted in lies from the devil. These feelings are almost always a bigger problem than what seems to be causing them. This is one of the most important revelations we can receive. 

“And take . . . . the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God” (Ephesians 6:17). The sword of the Spirit is the only offensive piece of the armor of God to create forward movement in our lives. We are to “kill” the negative mindsets (strongholds) that are seeking to restrict us and hinder our influence. These strongholds create a crisis of identity. Some of them are:

• Shame

• Disappointment

• Perfectionism

• Victim thinking

• Frustration 

• Pessimism

• Discouragement

• Insecurity

Again, the feeling of an identity crisis is almost always a bigger problem than the situations triggering it. As we realize this, we can get excited about pulling out the “sword” of what God has said, and strengthening our belief muscles by pushing against our emotional resistance with truth. This reframes the experience into an opportunity, instead of a problem. We may need the help of friends or a skilled and anointed person to assist us, but we can and will overcome the identity crises that manifest in our lives. 

Ha ha - I did not know what number I was when I moved to Bethel Church, but I was not in the single digits. My struggle with that actually became another springboard for who I am today. You too will have some great opportunities to lessen and eliminate similar mind games. Now that is something to get excited about.