Working Out Our Relational Beliefs

Working Out Our Relational Beliefs

By Steve Backlund

Every area of our life that does not glisten with hope means we are believing a lie, and that is a stronghold of the devil in our lives. 

I remember reading this from Francis Frangipane over thirty years ago. It changed my life. Romans 15:13 confirms that statement. “Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing. . . “ Believing truth leads to hope (and to “all joy and peace”).

We have beliefs in four areas of life:

• Beliefs about God

• Beliefs about ourselves

• Beliefs about others

• Beliefs about circumstances

We know we have good beliefs in these areas if we have hope concerning them. Hope is the belief that the future will be better than the present, and we have the power to make it so. This is illustrated in Ezekiel 37 when God asked Ezekiel if the dry bones could live. He was basically asking him, “Do you believe these bones have a good future? Do you have hope for them?”

Every person and group has some “dry bones” aspects about them. God is asking us, “Can this person live? Do they have a good future?” Hope for them reveals we have good beliefs about them. Truly, our hope level determines our influence level, and the person with the most hope has the most influence.  

Let’s go deeper in how to strengthen our hope muscles for people. What I am going to share here could be interpreted by some as a license to keep enabling people in irresponsible behaviors or as a word to stay in abusive relationships (which I am not saying), but I will take that risk so that your influence will grow exponentially in the days ahead by having radical beliefs about others.

Here are three relational “belief workouts” about the people in our lives:

1. Identity workouts - Just as the angel saw a depressed, fearful Gideon as a mighty warrior (Judges 6:12), we are to see others according to their potential, not their past. The Apostle Paul determined “to regard no man according to the flesh’ (2 Corinthians 5:16), and we are to do the same. As we ask God, “Who do you say this person is?”, we can partner with Him in positively influencing them.  Another way to determine who they are is to ask, “What do I like about them?” This will cause us to see more clearly the good in them. Once we have determined what we are going to believe about them, then we work out and exercise these beliefs by pushing against the resistance of what we perceive as wrong with them. We do this for individuals or groups of people. 

2. Overcome disappointment workouts - The pattern in our most important relationships is usually this: 1) excitement, 2) disappointment, and 3) either connection or disconnection. Marriage is a good example of this. We encourage pre-marital counseling to help prepare the couple for normal areas of disappointment and challenge in the marriage. If they know there will be times when they are tempted to disappointment, it will increase the likelihood of successfully navigating through it. One of the greatest opportunities for us to create strong relational belief muscles is when we are tempted to withdraw our hearts from people who disappoint us. As we push against this emotional resistance and move toward connection, rather than away from it, we will have stronger relationships. 

3. Priority and wisdom workouts - How important is my relationship with this person, and what is God’s specific wisdom in my relationship with them? These two questions will help us be proactive and not reactive concerning them. First, I determine who the most important people in my life are, and I recommit myself to them. As I work out my beliefs concerning a particular person, I make sure my time and emotional investment in them are important enough to do so. After I have done this, I determine God’s leading in how to think and respond to the dynamics of the relationship. This could mean anything from only praying for them or being very involved in their life. Once I have decided this, I “work out” and renew my mind regularly with this direction. 

We will be strong in relationships and have strong connections with people as we are intentional in building strong relational muscles. Those who have flabby relational beliefs and processes will experience much more bitterness, fear, disconnection, rejection, and relationship blowups. As I pray over my readers, I am hearing you are in a season where God is going to use these three relationship workouts to cause you to thrive and have influence with people like never before.