“Nevertheless the centurion was more persuaded by the helmsman and the owner of the ship than by the things spoken by Paul” (Acts 27:11). The Apostle Paul had a right word about an upcoming storm affecting their voyage that was not listened to. What was he going to do? Sulk? Grow negative? No, he stayed on the ship not only physically but in his attitude. He behaved in a way that “won” the hearts and minds of the ship’s leaders, and he became the key voice in a crucial moment. 

I Peter 3:1 says, “Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives…” This principle of winning the right to be heard is powerful in the marriage situation mentioned here, but it is also applicable in many other relationships. 

One of the books I’ve written is called The Culture of Empowerment. This book on leadership is about how to champion people. Bill Johnson, the leader here at Bethel church says, “My goal is not to build a big church but to build big people.” In chapter eight, “How to Increase the Likelihood of Being Empowered”, I speak in detail about keys to win the right to be heard.

Luke 2:52 says, “And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men.” I believe this is a year of increase of favor with God and people for you. Favor is a spiritual force on our lives that draws people’s hearts to us causing them to like us, value us, and value what we say. Like Jesus, God’s grace will cause an increase of this in our lives.

In The Culture of Empowerment, I list a few ways to increase the likelihood of increasing our favor and winning people to ourselves. All of us want to be heard to a higher level, so here are some keys to greater favor:

1. Believe you are in the right place - doubt and double-mindedness concerning our relationships will work against us
2. Let go of disappointment - how we respond to relational disappointments is crucial for healthy relationships and favor
3. Build trust - follow through on what you say you’ll do, aplogize when you do something wrong, treat people with respect. etc.
4. Be consistent
5. Be faithful in small things
6. Be good at asking questions - “How can I be a strength to you?” “What are some dreams in your life I can help you achieve?” “What are you excited about right now?”
7. Be humble, teachable, and genuinely interested in other people
8. Be an asset - solve problems and make things better 
9. Seek first to understand before you seek to be understood
10. Learn to communicate effectively
11. Enjoy life

There are other qualities that I could mention, but these are key ones to help win people to yourself so your words will be received at a higher level. 

Before I close, let me make an important point. If we are being disrespectful and dishonoring to people who cannot seem to benefit us, and then trying to get someone who can benefit us to favor us, we have a character problem that will dramatically decrease the chance of winning people to ourselves. 

With that said, let me ask you this: what are the relationships you have that you want to have greater influence with? Who are the people you want to value your perspective and words more? As you consider this, how can you first win them to yourself and then to your words?

Just like the Apsotle Paul “stayed on the ship” in his attitude and lifestyle on the ship, let’s do the same. (Read Acts 27 for the full story.) We will be surprised at who the favor on our life will influence.